Halftime Show - Week 4
One-Fifth Season Awards
By The Todd
If you read enough articles and listen to enough radio about fantasy football, you're familiar with the tacky, once-a-year patterns that even the best columnists can't help but indulge in. In January there's the "resolutions" article begging players to do more, in November there's the "what I'm thankful for" spin-off, there's pre-season rankings and end-of-the-year "What we should have done" rankings. And, of course, the awards. There's always the awards article just after the season's finished, naming the NFC fantasy rookie of the year, the Bust of the year, and so on. And, because that's such a hoot for the readers, the concept has evolved to twice a year, with mid-season awards. Just in case you thought a "Comeback player of the year after 6 weeks" award by some new ESPN writer with no friends was going to provide you with some entertainment and insight. The truth is, these all suck. So here's my fresh take on an old idea: the One-Fifth Season awards. Think about it. We're three whole weeks in. What can't be told after 3 weeks? Nothing. So here's an extremely important recap about what we've learned so far.
Most Unlike T.O. - John Henry
1. Owens' streak of 185 games with a catch is over. Hank's streak of 5 seasons without making the playoffs looks safe.
2. Despite being borderline illiterate, Owens is an avid Twitter and Facebook user, and uses this technology to his advantage. Despite being an intelligent guy, Hank is still lurking in the shadows during Draft Day, afraid that the radiation that Adam's computer gives off is similar to the brain cancer we contract from using our cell phones.
Surprise of the 1/5 Year Award - Justin Hartman
Mr. Hartman has once again taken things one step past the expectations of all of us. We all know and enjoy his yearly antics and rantings, but this 1/5 year, he's pulled something which none of us expected.
...his winning record? Oh God no. Even Corey must defy the odds and land a chick who weights less than him at least once in his life. I'm talking about the Draft. The much anticipated trade up to the #1 overall pick, and Justin takes Tom Brady (read: not Drew Brees). The player who hasn't played in a year, who's recovering from a major leg injury, who has a lot of questions about rust and reliability and strength, vs. the stud who was on pace to break the yardage and TD records last year, who has the best top-to-bottom receiving corps in the league, and who is in his prime. Why does this surprise us? Because for once, Justin is guilty of overthinking something.
Most Obvious Event of the 1/5 Season - Matt Forte
He slipped to the end of the first round for a reason, clearly. Everyone saw his obvious demise coming, obviously. The top-3 RB in every media ranking was a flop, easily. Just like Joseph Addai was 2 years ago, unquestionably. Who couldn't see this one coming?
Smack Talker of the 1/5 Season - Andy Morrish
Because he's the only person not named Wojnowski who created a topic on the message board this season. You boring hacks. And you call yourselves fantasy football players!
Best New Helmet Design - Chris Mummery
Half-assed douchebaggery always entertains me. This and the C-Men helmet rival each other for least time spent in creation, and both work just fine because of it.
Lock to Keep Up Current Pace - Chris Mummery
Cause there's no way Joe Flacco, Eli Manning and Fred Jackson can't keep this up.
Gayest of the 1/5 Season - Mike Hartman
Because he's the only league member I'd be willing to bet money on that won't read down this far.
Most Ancipated Matchup of the Year: Fireseed vs. Andy's Red Hots, Week 5
Will Andy break the record for most key players on a bye in a single week? Will Todd's team still lose by 60? Place your bets now.
That's all for now, folks...be sure to join us again in another 3 weeks for our 2/5 Season Awards!
